


Regrets

by Eruwryy (LaUsagi)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Backstory, Eruri Week, M/M, Minor Character Death, Spoilers for the Manga, spoilers for acwnr too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 07:44:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3126575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaUsagi/pseuds/Eruwryy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a short thing I did for eruri week day 4: insiders/little eruri things!<br/>The eruri things I put in there are: trust, the ship with no regrets, hints of 1.7 times stronger together, wait levi/okay Erwin, height difference, and a sprinkle of what a man.<br/>I'm horribly late but better late than never, right?<br/>Thank you stelladope for editing!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets

Regrets. Levi has them whenever he thinks about Farlan and Isabel. They trusted him with their lives and he let them down when they needed him the most. He still sees them in his dreams on rainy nights, sometimes. Only now the memory of their faces is slowly fading from his mind, and the sound of their voices is dimmer. He will never completely forgive himself for his foolishness.

He does not regret joining the Survey Corps. The day he saw titans for the first time, something in him changed. He saw what happened to those who went outside the walls- trained soldiers rendered defenseless, smashed likes insects against trees, crushed on the ground into a bloody mass of cloth and broken bones or eaten alive. He understood that if the titans were to break into the walls, the Survey Corps would not be able to save humanity. He was presented with a purpose for that strength of his and for himself, even if it would only become clearer in the days to come.

He does not regret sparing Erwin Smith’s life when he had the chance to kill him. Something broke inside Levi that day. He was sad. He was angry. He felt helpless. But he still had to choose: He could kill Erwin Smith, flee the Survey Corps and return to the Underground or follow this strange, incredible man and be part of something much bigger. In the end, Erwin’s words reached him- He gave Levi hope of a better existence for humanity, the same light he saw in Isabel’s eyes when she told him she wanted to fight, and he was also given a chance to atone for his mistakes. So in the end, he chose to follow Erwin Smith and join the Survey Corps. 

He does not regret becoming Erwin Smith’s right hand. It’s something he’s told himself often during the years spent at his side. Erwin is an exceptional man- hardworking, cunning, perceptive and charismatic. But he’s also an altruist who deeply cares for his soldiers. He has confidence in his skills, but stays modest. He knows he cannot always know. So he has to take risks, calculated ones, but still gambles. Levi likes that about him. That even though he has to lick the nobles’s asses to get what he needs from them, Erwin has more guts than most men he knew. Trusting Levi was also risk, and Levi was well aware of it. He was a criminal from a shady background Erwin knew almost nothing about, but he still wanted to trust in Levi. So in return, Levi makes himself useful, supports him however he can and stays at his side. 

He does not regret letting Erwin in, when he usually kept people out. He is grateful Erwin helped him improve his reading and writing, despite his busy schedule. He enjoys that they can both let their guard down around each other and unwind. He likes that Erwin speaks to him like an equal, and not some like some dirt he dug out of the Underground. He likes getting to know Erwin little by little, his quirks, his habits, his tastes. He enjoys accompanying Erwin on his errands during their days off and see him out of his element. He likes the evenings spent with him, doing paperwork together, drinking tea and talking for hours in his office the nights they can’t find sleep. Erwin tells him he feels stronger with Levi at his side. Levi can’t help but think it’s true for him too. 

He does not regret not waving Erwin’s hand away, the first time his fingers lingers on him for too long. Or the other times after that. He likes being with Erwin, and he likes that when they’re alone, Erwin sits closer to Levi, touches him more, even if still not often. Levi likes feeling Erwin’s fingers on him. He likes his hands, big and rough when they pass through his hair, even if Erwin could wash them more often. He likes feeling Erwin close to him, to lean on his shoulder while Erwin reads and to fall asleep listening to him breathing. He likes feeling Erwin’s lips on his and he likes him. He likes their scarce lazy mornings in bed. He likes knowing that this tall, strong man who is so much bigger than him likes to rest his head in the cradle of Levi’s shoulder to listen to his heartbeat, and that Erwin likes to sleep holding him, like he was something too precious to let go. 

He does not regret obeying Erwin’s orders for all these years. Even when he had been put dangerous situations, even when titans were heading straight towards them and they had been told to stay put until the very last moment, even the day he lost his squad. He trusted Erwin Smith’s judgment, not out of simple admiration or blind trust, but because he knew Erwin’s decisions were based on experience. And so Levi committed to his choice and struck only when he was told and he went forward when he lost teammates, because this is what he believed to be the right thing to do.  
So as he stands here, looking down on his prisoner from the Military Police, does he regret trusting Erwin Smith? Can he still he trust Erwin, when he was just told he, along with several of their comrades, were about to be executed? For Levi the answer was clear. Everyone in the Survey Corps knew what they were getting into when they decided to take down the government, including Erwin. They knew they were fighting against something much bigger than them, but every single one of them still made the choice to follow Erwin Smith, to work together to reach their goal and to support each other. And that’s he would do too. He’s worried. This time, this might be it. Erwin could lose not only his bet, but also his life. Maybe Levi he would never see him again. But since Erwin trusted him to execute his orders, Levi had to trust Erwin too. There was nothing he could do but follow the plan. 

So he grabs his prisoner from the Military Police again. He shoves his already beaten up face against the tree and twists the man’s arm until it breaks. And then, only when he’s sure the man can hear him despite his own screams, Levi gives him his answer again: “Tell me where I can find Eren and Historia.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'll have another fic up tomorrow night for day 6: future!


End file.
